Mark

1. Lol, good answer!
2. I dunno. I never do memes, and since I assume, as people come here, perhaps they'd like an invitation to say something.
3. I got no choice, there. Thanks, though - I wish I posted more, like in the good old days - maybe eventually.
4. Awwwwww! nooooooo!
5. Mkay, thanks.
6. I do.

1. Oh my! (I plagiarized a single quote in a single paper in college - I was asked to present the thing to the class as an example of a good essay - not sure how much the stolen quote had to do with that, but enough, I'm sure.)

2. Some of 'em, though not many, these days.

3. Lol..now maybe I know why my son didn't like King's writing.

4. Ohhhh the ones I'd have marry me, if only I could - smiling - no gunpoint, though, just "will you?"

5. K. Gotcha - though that hasn't compromised your identity.

6. They can feel the love from ones like me - even if (beyond, perhaps, our eyes) we don't all look the same.

It's a counter.

Yah these things show other information, but that's not why it's on this entry, and why it has been left purposefully visible.

I wanted to know numbers. I wanted to know if I'm as alone over here as it sometimes seems. And if the number ended up higher than I thought it might, I really, really, really wanted to know who (not in terms of ID) was coming, and mostly, why, why, why - and never saying anything.

In the days leading up to the end of this journal at LJ, in like January of 2007, I posted that "My vistor's map" thing, and was shocked to find that over 200 people in a single day, from all over the globe, visited my page - most never saying a word over there, either.

The number here is at about ten percent of that, now - which is actually higher than I had imagined it would be.

1. I see. This question is difficult for me, too, but I'm sure it comes down to letting my sons down, on occassion.

2. I'm feeling much better today!

3. Thanks. It just comes with the territory, though - the bitter with the sweet, etc. I'm just glad the sweet is so sweet, the bitter, largely empty and moot.

4. Lol, that's not lame. I wanted to be a country vet - chemistry sucks ass, though. There's PA's, now, and those are getting good respect - and I expect it's a field will grow with the aging, of uh, heh, baby boomers like me.

5. Mkay, I'll take that.

6. You'da had to have been a duck to do anything outside, here, yesterday.

1. I remember you telling me about that - one of the very first things you told me about, as a matter of fact.

2. I don't know. Sometimes and in some places, friends, even the Internet kind, became more important - or I felt I couldn't afford to lose them. After strikethough, it became a case of fear for some time - where I felt I couldn't afford to lose the last place like this I felt I had. And of course, as always, there was the whole sound-biting of my words going on in places like wikisposure and ED, etc. This is a good reminder though - perhaps now and again, I'll forget all the rest and say what I really feel, again.

3. Lol, I so know on that "insult" bit. Laughing - and I hate that, too - not the insult, but the fact of the matter. So, I'll take it as constructive criticism, and keep it mind.

4. Nice.

5. Smiling. I suppose there is a wonderful beauty (if the occasional dread's pushed back) in not knowing how things will turn out, but always wondering, always going forward, even when it looks and feels like it's going backwards.

6. Grinning now. Heh. Oh dang, you didn't say me ("you") -settle for a threesome?? Errr, foursome, that is, including the sorbet? Have you seen Goya's Ghosts?

1. That's gotta be the saddest story I have heard in quite some time. Goodness!

2. As one might imagine, I have thought of this plenty. It would suck more for my children, than for me. As for me, there would be no denial, nor turning back. My attitude, at least as I have imagined it, would be in the spirit of "what?" - what is it you want me to say, now? That it's not true? That I have found religion, therapy, or some other savior? That all of those things I have written about for years were nothing more than dreams, or craziness, or illness? And what ends would be served if I did recant it all, anyway? That I don't exist? That my existence, perceived offenses, aside, is wrong? That one who admits these things, first to themselves, and then to the public by the outment at someone else's hands is somehow more dangerous than those who live in inward and outward silence or denial?

Anyway, yes, but it would suck. As a result, yes, of course it has kept me quiet at times; it has caused me to not say that which I would sometimes like to say.

3. Wel thanks. I am glad, then, that there is a collateral benefit to me doing the only thing I really could and can.

4. Grinning: "Mkay, I am the ruler of the world, here's the first thing I do..."

5. I am glad you have stayed. Even more glad you finally spoke. Lol on my run-ins with fandom. They're no different than me; they just don't create their own characters is all. Outness or admittance, aside, as you know, it is nice to share one's love, of or for whatever it is, with comrade spirits. This is why it was so much easier for me to understand the complete panic and outrage they've felt when that sharing was threatened by LJ's policies. I mean, lol, "Ginny fucking...well...anyone, actually, can ya imagine?!"

6. I am glad for the slow spring, this year, myself: it will be sweeter as a result - and once those damned, bottom covering coats and jackets come off, that will be just icing.

1. When I was 21, I had a desk with a piece of glass on top. Under the glass, I had a little card, upon which was written this quote: "If I don't control fear, fear controls me." When I have to do something scary, I always remember what my former associate in the ganja dealing business (lol, long done, also an early 20's thing) told me, once, when I was way afraid of doing this "biggest deal" thing: "Mark," he said, "you gotta go into it like you're going to war." So even now, when I gotta do something as scary as rescheduling an appointment with a client, or writing a risque journal entry, I think to myself, "go to war," and pick up the phone or start to type.

2. Hmmm. There's definitely a difference between courage, or going to war, and unnecessarily blowing one's cover in that war, I suppose. I'd like to believe someday I could be me and also live in the light, but I'm not waiting, not by any stretch. However, I can be open-ended enough, maybe. I've been called handsome, and told my eyes are beautiful. Bmi=22.1. My two irl girlfriends would be called pretty by anyone's standards. Not short, but not tall, either. Central European descent. But, if you're who I think you are, I trust you enough that if you PM me, I'll give you my email, then if you email me, I'll show you me.

3. Lol, awww thanks (I think!). I know, I definitely need these. I actually made one of my eyes, but thought better of using it, and for now, I think I'll go over to GJ and gather a few. Lol, or not, I guess. I will get on this very soonly like.

4. Gimli, eh? Heh, (a Google image search indicates you are not going to like me and my pictures muchly, then!) Still though, it looks nice. Of course, sex always looks nice to me. That second one doesn't look so very dark. I want to live on a beach in SC.

5. Nah, it's entirely clear. Last night I saw Geert Wilders' film (Fitna), and this morning, Theo Van Gogh's (Submission). Without making a statement or review on either film, it struck me that the latter filmmaker was killed for his opinion. It also struck me, further, that somone accessing either of those films in the wrong place would be killed for doing so. So yeah, my little deal may not be as "important" as any of those little deals, but for the record, I won't be going anywhere, all threats aside.

Last, I've met too many people, female ones, who need someone "just like me." Considering what my "enemies" insist is the state of affairs, to say there aren't plenty more like me who need someone just like them would be an understatement. Therefore, until these two can feel free to find one another, state their needs out loud, those "enemies" can forget about me shutting my trap.

(Oops, 3 paragraphs) For the record, also, because it is so damn necessary, that meeting, that finding, that communication, is not about those two getting together to abuse children, not at all, but rather, to love each other. Period.

6. Laughing - that video is hilarious! The older son has not yet moved much beyond Weird Al - the younger really doesn't know much beyond liking what he likes: Moonshadow from Cat Stevens, Waterfalls from TLC, Rockstar from Nickleback. I don't think I'll ever be "old enough" to hate any music. I don't know what constitutes "emo," either. One of the lists I came across has Leonard Cohen at it's top? I have lots of Bright Eyes, some Hawthorne Heights, and some Arcade Fire, if any of those count? In any case, I can't imagine ever hating this. Nope.

(Of course, I'll let it go through. Why wouldn't I let it go through? Because there are always at least two sides to every story, and the truth is rarely pure and never simple (O.Wilde.), I let everything go through. It's important. Even if you were trolling, I am not sure what "effect" you would be trying to achieve: your story and words are old. Consider, for example, if I came over your way, and knowing next to nothing about you, accused you of many horrific and untrue things. Would this affect you? What would I have effected? Nothing.)

1. I don't think you have. However, in the unlikely event you have, considering your alleged feelings on the matter, what makes that something "horrible"? (A Freudian would call that a slip, btw.)

2. I'm not. If you are asking why I feel this way, why I am moved by this kind of beauty, I do not know the answer. However, I consider it, like those about creation and the existence (or not) of a god, a question that is not begging for any answer.

3. I can't imagine why anyone would kill me, if they knew me. You do realize, don't you, that I'm not a child molester or child rapist, yes? Maybe you know, or have known someone who is, but it isn't and wasn't me. So, no thanks on the castration by any means: I'm having way too much fun, both with myself and my real life 18+ babies - all of whom are cute and/or pretty, I might add. (I think you could use some sex, myself - seriously.)

4. Lol, dude, this is getting redundant?

5. Gotcha, then. Glad to provide at least that service.

6. No, not on your life? I need no redemption. And If I do need it, I already found it.

***

Thank you for coming by. I'm not sure why, considering that no one is being harmed, here, you feel this much - something - about all this. If you are a victim, then my advice is to keep reading - and not just victims' stories, or Perverted-Justice pages, either. If you are not a victim, then unless you are still a child, you have no excuse for not already being better educated.

As I said at the top, after all, there is always more than one side to every story, and no truth is ever pure, much less simple. Therefore, about any given issue, there is always more than one way to approach it. This way, here, that you have demonstrated, that Perverted-Justice pursues, that politicians, prison gatekeepers and psychologists alike, pander to and purvey, is but one approach.

If you've noticed, it's not working.

And why? Because it works from the backside, so it's always playing catch-up. It's always Perverted-Justice, politicians, or prison gate keepers with the trap or the cage, waiting for the next one; or it's the psychiatrist, standing beneath the burning building with the safety net, which becomes its own kind of snarled trap, netting new victims, poor broken butterflies with wings that won't work.

My approach is not theirs. Theirs is tired, and old, and ugly, and worn, and if not broken, it was never fixed to start with.

My approach is to face the fire, to walk through the fire, to tame it by owning it. To hold, gently in my hands, the fire that never stops burning and won't ever burn those who dare to learn to love.

If such a thing exists, God knows, I could never done it on my own. Whatever or whomever else I may have to thank, I have my babies, and their sweet embrace, for sure, to thank for that.

Good luck.

1. Ehh, if you didn't know his intentions and were scared, which "berserk" seems to indicate you were, then you probably got off for good reasons - lol, of course, one like me thinks "young, and female" is more than enough to be excused for nearly anything - I even stretch this, making "young" not necessarily a requirement for getting off. (Oh, that was bad!)

2. (No lame questions, only lame answers) When I was a child, I always picked orange as my favorite color - but this was only based on the idea that I "felt sorry" for it - no one ever picked orange as a favorite color. I still kind of like it, but if forced between the six main ones, now, I'd pick green - for life, vibrancy, earth. (Pink, of course, if the color choices were expanded a bit)

3. Well thanks. I am glad you think so. I try to limit the extent of my lies to "that which I do not say," which aren't exactly lies. I'm hoping to lie (stay quiet) even less in the new uncensored blog service. Still, it's always scary, even when the truths one tells about oneself are not anything more than that, and taken in and of themselves, harmful to exactly no one.

4. Aww, lol, this does not seem so deep or dark - of course, I'm one of these who sees "promiscuous" as pretty (owing to its raw, mammalian nature)- and I would probably think, especially if you're under 30, that you're too young to be married any old way. I have to admit it would be hard to be glamorous as an addict of any kind. Perhaps, it could be pulled off, though. After all, while I do not see my needs and desires as an addiction, I am able, at times, to at least appear noble. The whole idea of "starving artist" cracks me up, and I think it arises from a commercial I saw a few decades ago, and the intended or unintended double entendre at one of its lines: "starving artist quality at starving artist, rock-bottom prices!"

5. Cool. Thanks for that and thanks for coming by, too - and especially for saying so - this is always appreciated.

1. Well, I agree with the second guy. And I wonder how my oral sex skills would match up, too. If this is the most horrible you've done, than damn, girl, you're doing so good.

2. Oh god, losing my virginity was so damn awkward it sucked. All virgins, boys, and girls, men and women, alike, ought lose their virginity to someone with a minimum 3-lover, 5 year experience level. I was 19, both of us were virgins, she would become my wife. I couldn't get it in. (Can't add to that one, nope - can't subtract, either, unfortunately) It took about three tries over two days, as I recall. Loved it, after the fact, though, of course - still do.

3. So are you - it was the introductory page, wasn't it, darling?

4. I hope you do. Some of me still wants some of that, too - and I'd take it all.

5. You lie on five, or I mean, you withhold the whole truth: part of why you friended me, I know, or cannot imagine it is not so, is for the way some of my words make your tummy, heart, mind and crotch feel. That's okay, though. It's the prerogative of woman like you.

6. Lol, oh god, I hope that went well. I originally had you dressed in white, btw. Perfect then - and eff 'em if they can't handle you. I'm sure it will be all love, though.